Please Help with Lsass.exe application error! Nothing works!?

Hello, I tried to boot up my laptop today and got this "lsass.exe application error - The application failed to initialize properly (0Xc0000005). Click OK to terminate the application." I am pretty sure it is the Lsass.exe error and not the isass.exe error, but I am not 100%, the lowercase L and capital i seem the same to me. Anyway, I tried booting in Safe Mode, in Safe Mode with Command Prompt, and tried opening Task Manager like every other answer on this site and Google said to. However, I cannot even get to Task Manager! All my laptop does it pop up the error and revert back to the old original windows background from when I bought the computer (not even my current desktop image), The screen is like this for hours! Ctrl+ALT+DEL does not work, CTRL+Shfit+Esc does not work. I do not know how to run a registry cleaner or antivirus from my USB drive or SD Card without the start program! I do not even know how to run them from Task Manager. I cannot even GET to Task Manager! I tried putting a registry cleaner into my USB drive, but how do I load my USB drive from nothing? How do I even load it from Task Manager? (assuming I can even get Task Manager to ever work again). I cannot load the Windowx CD because it is a LAPTOP and has NO CD PORT! Please help! I've been to YouTube, Google, Yahoo answers, Microsoft.com, nothing helps! Nothing covers my error.